It has been a long first two weeks of the year. Deep processing. Words don’t describe, but I just want to say how lucky I feel to have had training in theatre- to feel freedom in expressing myself physically and verbally. Now that I have allowed myself to be honest with myself, surrendered to who I am becoming, who God made me to be, I can feel the feelings out, unafraid of how it looks, sounds, feels.
One of my acting teachers was very influential in helping me accept and allow my self-expression;
“The audience wants to see your vulnerability, that is your power, that is the truth and people crave truth.”
Tonight I went out- the first time in 10 days. I needed to cry multiple times, I let tears go- and twice I left for the bathroom. One time I suppressed it and I talked about suppressing it as it was happening, fully aware and with my best friend who is as supportive as he can be.
It was a good test for my humility.
I can’t describe the synchronicity that is happening in my life right now- It’s wild, it’s confronting, it is inspiring, it’s me turned on to God.
I’m back home now with more emotional baggage brought into light to unpack- but unlike most of the last month I am no longer in despair…. actually I am hopeful.
I am hopeful because I engaged my will to get closer to God and I can feel the positive results of that engagement. I’m engaged to God. 😉
Still not praying for Divine Love enough…. still got some self-worth beliefs to detangle.
Detangling patriarchy, detangling sexual projections, detangling emotional attachments, detangling self-concept, detangling love from addictions.
The insights and help from guides have been out-of-this-world. I am starting to feel that craving for God’s Truth…. Crave more truth, allow feelings, insights, integration and repeat. My heart literally beats stronger. Thank you God.