Emotional nakedness. Physical nakedness. Dreams. Art. Fear of a man’s anger.
These are the things I think of when considering nakedness.
I’ve been facing the wall of avoidance that I have been choosing instead of feeling the deep grief and terror that caused me to commit unloving actions, such as the abortions mentioned in the previous post.
What I have learned is that I built an arsenal of avoidance tactics out of fear of judgment and punishment.
For two days I was in a state of fear and avoidance- even though I was telling myself I wanted to feel the feelings- I was still keeping the experience at bay. I was irritable and grumbling to myself- grrr gotta feel big feelings…
Yesterday I got aggravated with my partner, and exclaimed “I’m sorry I just need to cry- I’ve got a BIG cry to do”
As he was asking me- or suggesting that I could cry- right then and there- I realized I had been in facade with him too. I had kept myself cloaked, and “protective” of my deepest guttural wails. I realized I wasn’t being humble- I was still in fear of judgement. As soon as that hit my heart I flung myself on the bed and let it out. I had kept myself clothed in avoidance for a while and I hadn’t realized it.
I was emotionally naked, which sometimes feels more frightening than physical nakedness. I sometimes feel that this society values a well crafted persona more than authentic interaction, but when I am truly humble and striving towards healing, I remember the joy, the birthright, the Love that is lighting the way.