on the way

Month: April, 2014

On Fear, Quick-Fixes & Standing by What We Believe

On Fearlessness….is it contagious? It feels contagious right now….

24 hours after reading this blog post I am overwhelmed.  I am seriously looking at how and why I share the Divine Truth that I have been learning by way of two teachers; Jesus and Mary.

I’ve been sharing Divine Love principles with my brother who is in grief over a breakup, but fearful of revealing where I got this guidance from in the first place. I’ve been grateful every time I see and feel God’s Truth in unexpected ppl and places, but hesitant to add more and point to my teachers. I pray to God, in gratitude for Jesus and Mary, and I think I’m now learning how I can better express my gratitude in real, meaningful, loving ways…..

Notes Along The Way

Recently someone forwarded me the following clip:

My first thought was – why send me this?

What is shared in this clip is one very basic truth that is discussed and built upon in far more depth and detail in recordings of events that I was present at and can be viewed here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here… in fact there are over 1200 hours of video on our youtube channel that bring a far broader context and meaning to the importance of emotions and discuss how they relate to the human soul, God, absolute truth, eternal growth, physical healing, and much, much more.

So this video is not news to me. The people involved are discussing something that I discovered a long time ago.

So why send it?

I can actually think of about four reasons why a person…

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On Easter

Every day is Holy, we just don’t always ‘see’ it and feel the truth.

Yesterday, on Easter Sunday I made a huge discovery.

I found a stage, in a park, in a parking lot, in the shadow of St. James Cathedral.

I was astounded, flabbergasted, amazed and bewildered that I had not seen this before…that I had never walked those extra ten steps, or turned my head to the right when passing by….I had been completely ignorant of this beautiful plot of plants and an outdoor stage in my neighbourhood.

I attend services at St. James Cathedral…It’s where the Occupy movement had a camp for 40 days in Toronto….It’s where I was baptized two years ago…. It’s where I get to enjoy the conversation and company of other intelligent and hopeful young people. It’s also where I want to do more storytelling and theatre practice.

I’m not sure how, but Courthouse Square- is now a place I know, and 24 hours ago it was veiled, by my own blindness to truly see and feel everything around me.

Walking IN new everyday.

On Good Friday

Everyday is GOOD.

Good day Brothers and Sisters.  This weekend is a particular test for my heart as I identify as Christian, and have only done so recently; two years ago this month. I never was comfortable with contorting my heart to “accept Jesus as my saviour” nor did I ever believe that his blood saved us from our sins. I was an outlier in my relating to him as Brother during the Catechism and in being vocal in questioning the doctrine of the Trinity. I was always very critical of the institution and “surrendering” to a baptismal ceremony was very confronting.

It was a choice I made in how I was relating to our Father, moving from suspicious curiosity to loving commitment and humility.

I recently stopped participating in the eucharist and have been strengthened and confirmed in that commitment to God’s Truth.

The addictions I have to ceremony and shared experiences are no longer controlling me the way they did, but I still do give in to them, with awareness, on occasion, but less and less so. Today I participated in part of a Good Friday service and felt about how much I still shirk responsibility, how much I still repeat old patterns because of fear.

The Good Friday service is kind of like ripping off a scab before the wound has had a chance to heal.  I feel like every year the scar grows and grows. Instead of moving forward in the truth of eternal life with God’s Love, in the truth of repentance, forgiveness and redemption, in the truth of  the New Covenant, instead of moving forward the institution wallows and reinforces error and injury on this day more so than any other service through the year.  Anger came up and I imagined myself in discussion with the clergy on these matters.  Then I recalled that God is much more persuasive 😉 and prayed for more Love, and Courage that I may lead by example in how I interact with others in and outside of the institution.  I imagined a time when I could freely share everything I’ve been learning and experiencing with other Christians, and Pagans, and New Agers and Atheists without  judgement and condescension on my part or theirs….or at least without fear of their judgement and condescension.

On this Good Friday I am acknowledging and choosing to feel feelings about how confronting Jesus was to the establishment.  Especially to the financial establishment- and how today we are still in a cloud of error.

I felt about how much greed & mammon still rule the world, and the fear & reluctance I still have about standing in truth and confronting that particular error and injury-  it’s a lot! wowza!

I feel that the religious institution that I am a part of – and how I was called to be a part of it are an integral piece of my journey to be able to stand firmly in God’s Truth regarding the money changers as I come to experience it more and more every day.


More on money changers soon… the seeds of St. James and the Occupy movement in Toronto are sprouting.

Everyday is good.

On a Creativity Cleanse ~update~

The moon is growing and the spring feasts are beginning. I have not been disciplined in my intake of water, or writing morning and night, but I have noticed a greater sense of acceptance and freedom in HUMILITY. I am IN the emotions that come up from the depths of my soul. I am IN the flow of feeling. I am not ashamed or afraid to express it. I am owning it and even when I cross the line and say something in a way that is unloving I am quick to feel repentant and apologize. I have been taking more pictures. I have started a new collage project. I will write tonight. Everything feels shaky and uncertain. My self-concept is dissolving and evolving everyday. I feel full of contradictions. I am broken and angry about it. I am lost and sad about it. I am distrustful and vengeful about it. I’m a mess….I “think” my faith is being built, but right now I’m exhausted in this shedding, fatigued by this discombobulation. Changes are changes- sometimes they flow through quickly- but these BIG changes are taking a lot longer. RAW.

On A Creativity Cleanse

I’ve been inspired today by some fellow spiritual artists as well as important social justice conversation and the fresh spring smell in the air. I have taken off my masks over the last few weeks. I confronted my self and a lot of stuff I was in denial about. I feel humble and ready to go deeper to really make habit the emotional changes I have experienced recently.

I’m going on a creativity cleanse….one I’m making up as I go along. I am going to severely limit the media I ingest. I am going to begin and end each day writing. I am going to drink more water. I am going to do longer meditations without any guides. I am going to face the feelings I’m afraid of feeling and paint it out. Everyday I will ask my guides for a quick creativity challenge.

I have a few creative projects to attend to- but over the next 11 days they are not the priority. I am the priority. I am learning what love for myself feels like. I am learning what courage feels like. I am learning what freedom feels like. I am learning what self-responsibility feels like. I am learning what truth feels like.